The Caregiver Finds His Own Healing
by Alan

Five years before I found OM, my wife had developed an increasingly degrading brain condition. My life became increasingly unmanageable as I tried to show up as her caregiver as well as meet all the rest of my responsibilities. My life quickly spiraled downward as my wife’s state deteriorated relentlessly. I was under a lot of stress in both my home life and job, and I found it increasingly impossible to juggle the work/life balance. I desperately needed an outlet, or I thought I would go mad.

I had been a devotee of yoga for 40 years, and in my very precious and little free time, threw myself back into that. I met a woman in one of my classes, and we became friends. One day, she saw the tension and exhaustion on my face, and she gently told me about Orgasmic Meditation. It sounded too good to be true, honestly, and at first, I thought she was teasing me, or maybe coming on to me. She wasn’t offended and told me that my resistance might be a clue that there was something of value for me there and that I should at least check it out.

I did as she suggested and learned more about OM. I attended an event where I got a taste for the depth of practice that was possible. I noticed the people I met there were more like-minded to myself, people who were on a path of exploration, like me. I felt like I was in the right place. I had thought I was so self-aware, but everyone else seemed to be on another level. I wanted what they had.

My first OM was truly amazing. The things I felt in my body were things I had never thought were remotely possible. I had never understood what orgasm was, and to combine it with meditation and focusing attention — this was something that just had not been part of my life before. I felt a kind of electricity in my body, a palpable, tangible sensation of an energy going through my nerves. It didn’t exactly come from her body, and I didn’t exactly make it happen, but together we were tapping into something greater than ourselves. It felt more spiritual than sexual.

I learned, too, that if I get an adjustment, it’s not a criticism. In the past, when I felt like someone was chastising me, I’d withdraw. With adjustments, I realized that this was simply an opportunity to find a way to get closer to someone. That’s translated into how I operate in my life outside OM – I don’t carry resentments. I had been the sort of guy who could hold onto grudges for years. OM made all those slip away. What I thought was other people hurting me was just an adjustment they had been giving, whether they knew it or not. I could take it in stride.

The more I OMed, the more I could be present as a consistent and tender caregiver for my wife whom I had loved so much for so long. She was able to sense a greater devotion and comfort through my attention. 

In OM, I have met so many others who are also facing intense life challenges. Everyone comes to this practice with a story. Before OM, I felt a bit sorry for myself. Look at poor me and all my responsibilities, all the work I have to do. This practice showed me I’m just like everyone else. We all bring our baggage and our pain and our hopes and everything else to the nest; and we use the OM itself to get the clarity, comfort, enjoyment and purpose we need.