After my divorce I began searching for a new level of freedom. I was in my late 40s and had only been with one man, and I was wondering would anyone ever love me again? Would anyone ever think I was desirable again? I really wanted to get to a new level of self-love and confidence where I didn’t have to worry about my body and what people thought of it.
At one point I was sitting in a room of 800 people at this amphitheater in New York City and a woman onstage was talking about OM. After the event I checked it out and I thought, “That’s so weird it’s cool.” The idea of just lying there, half naked, receiving pleasure was mind boggling. During sex I was always so busy trying to give back to the guy that the idea of simply receiving made me uncomfortable. But I knew it was a good idea for me to get beyond that, so I figured I would sign up for an event.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t fit a class into my schedule and forgot about OM for a year or so. But basically, I live to disrupt the status quo. It’s my business, working with organizational leaders, helping them to think in new ways. I’d just never applied breaking the status quo to the realm of my own body and my self-awareness. So, when OM came back up on my radar I thought “This is a breakthrough I can do!” and went for it.
My first OM was with a guy who was a good 20 years younger than me. But I felt totally safe. The community of OM practitioners is populated with such gracious, open-minded people that have a sense of courtesy and kindness about them, I always feel like I'm taken care of.
My first several OMs, the first thing I had to practice was making a request. For some reason, as a woman, I thought I should be just happy with whatever I was getting. I didn’t want to sound like a complainer. My first OMs I remember having no idea what to ask for. In business I’ve always been an outspoken person. And if I’m getting a massage from a professional massage therapist, I'm clear and have no problem saying things like, “Hey, can you work more on my left hip?” But in the realm of my intimate life? I had almost no muscle around requesting personal attention. I didn’t even know what my desires were. I remember thinking, “What am I doing here?” Usually, I have things all figured out. But I was willing dive into the discovery—which was a huge opening for me.
It didn’t take too long to get the hang of asking for adjustments—stroking firmer or faster or moving right or left. And I was thrilled to discover that my partners were thrilled being asked for adjustments. About eight months after I started OMing, I was dating a guy and it was just stunning to me how, after not saying a word to my husband for 30 years, I was able to naturally and effortlessly ask this guy for what I wanted!
I also started noticing what adjustments made a difference for my body and how it responded. I started being able to hear the language of desire in my body. As a former high level competing athlete, I always thought I had a high level of body intelligence. I can quickly pick up any sport. And I've always been an affectionate person who hugs a lot. Even before OM I would have a party with some girlfriends and we’d all pile on the couch close together and talk. But I never knew I had this amazing capacity to feel desire in my body.
My capacity for connecting with other human beings, touching and being touched, was raised to a new level that was unprecedented for me.
My OM practice also positively affected my business. In the past there had always been this fear of my own power. I have a lot of masculine energy, and I always had a fear in my business and in family and friendships that if I came on strong and asked for things or made a constructive criticism or something, that it would sound like I was steamrolling the person. But I’ve learned from so many strokers that people are looking to please. They’re looking for excellence. They’re looking for direction. So now the question for me is, how do I deliver the information? I’ve learned through OM that requests can be made from the perspective of the sacred feminine speaking. Now, when I bring this feminine power into business conversations, people are receptive and open and respond more powerfully to the requests and suggestions I make. There's an eager receiving that occurs.
Now I don't feel like a steamroller anymore, and that's a huge shift or me. I no longer try to censor my expression. I can be my strong self. Not surprisingly, my sales closing ratios are great! And my honesty and clarity with potential clients works in everyone’s favor.