I had been feeling depressed and unhappy when I first discovered Orgasmic Meditation. I was interested, and wanted to learn about women especially, but I felt like it was taboo. The whole thing seemed kind of fascinating to me. I had a lot of curiosity about the female orgasm, and I had never really been able to find out about it as much as I wanted. I knew this was somewhere I could learn about these things.
It had always been difficult for me to approach women. I knew there must be ways I could express myself that could maybe bring out what the women were desiring, too. I wanted to feel more confident, both with women and in life. I wanted to live life in a bigger way.
My first OM was really awkward. I was anxious and nervous and so was my partner. I remember feeling a little buzz in my finger. I felt simultaneously a warm, nice feeling and something heavier. It was like I could feel a mixture of what was good about it and what was making me anxious at the same time.
In my OM practice, while stroking, I focus on trying to follow what seems to have the most resonance. I look for where the right spot seems to be and whether it feels right at the moment to be stroking up and down, or maybe to be stroking with a certain amount of pressure. I see the adjustments as a tool to really accomplish this effectively. They’re about two people trying to find this resonance together, and I’m being guided to it. Part is what I feel myself, and part is what my strokee says, but we’re both trying to get to the place of highest sensation.
The more I’ve practiced OM, the more I have grown in my ability to follow where the sensation seems to be. It’s about trusting what my instincts or feelings are instead of always questioning what feels right. It wasn’t long before this understanding became a visceral knowing for me. Over time, I saw this as directly related to how I was living my life. I began to live by feeling, rather than formula. I’ve become more sensitive to understanding what the right adjustment is and to being in resonance to that. In a sense, through this, I’ve become stronger in myself.
Being sensitive to staying on the spot has also helped me to begin to understand women, and this alone has made me feel more confident about everything in my life. It was always hard for me to hold the clitoral hood back. It was always slipping from my grasp. After five years, I feel more confident. I can hold the hood back and do whatever else is required on the road to highest sensation. This translates to feeling stronger, more confident in my own rightness. I’m able to be more assertive than I used to. I feel like I can be stronger in life.
I am much more authentic and confident with women. Gradually, my personality has changed to the point that I want to break out of the small life I’ve been leading. I feel that I can go after things that I really want and they’re not going to be out of reach. Slowly but surely, confidence is starting to replace depression. Big is starting to replace small. Not only did I learn to express my desires—that’s where I now live.