I Found a Sense of Knowing
by Tony Smith

I am a man of few words. It drives some women nuts. Nevertheless, over the years, I've been in a series of relationships, including a ten-year marriage. I like being connected to someone, being open to someone who is open to me. Each of those relationships ended when its purpose had been fulfilled, and it was time to move on. Then there was a period of fifteen years when I was single. It was difficult to find someone I was able to feel really close to. I was looking for a new relationship when a friend told me about OM. 

My OM partner and I both felt awkward trying this new experience of OM. There was a lot for me to learn: how to position myself properly, how to stroke, how to focus my attention, how to follow each of the steps of the OM container. Luckily, we were able to get coaching beforehand from an experienced OM practitioner, which helped us get through it successfully.

To me, OMing is like play. It's a lovely chance to make someone happy, to make them feel good, and feel good in myself also. I've also learned a lot about women, after a lifetime of trying to understand the female side of the species. I've discovered how incredibly sensitive the clitoris can be. Pleasure is different for each woman, and each one requires a different stroking technique. I've learned to be flexible in how to approach an OM.

Over time, my confidence in OMing increased, which produced a subtle change in confidence in other areas of my life. I became more aware of having qualities women can appreciate. After a few months, I OMed with a woman who I immediately felt a strong connection with. It wasn't so much a physical sensation or an emotion as a sense of knowing. Circumstances kept bringing us together, and our practice of OM gave us a reason to keep seeing each other until we started spending time together outside of OMing.

As in any relationship, we went through a number of tiny steps to deepen our connection, each one helping us feeling protected enough to move to the next level. Because of OM, there was an openness between us that I hadn't felt with a woman to that degree before. We were able to talk about more of our feelings and discuss the subtleties of our interactions. 

When someone asks another person to OM, the reply is supposed to be “Yes, thank you,” or “No, thank you.” In the same way, when a strokee asks for an adjustment in how I'm stroking, I say, “Thank you.” There's no argument, just a simple acknowledgement of the other person's wishes. With my partner, I use the same practice when she says something that I take as a criticism. Instead of responding negatively, I say, “Thank you.” It helps our relationship go more smoothly and go deeper.

When the pandemic is over, I'll be interested in OMing with other strokees and seeing how the practice is different after all this time spent with my partner. Even with just the two of us, I've seen changes happen. At first, I discovered she had places on her clitoris I couldn't reach. But since then, her clitoris has opened and softened, probably because the growth in the relationship has helped her feel more secure. She's been letting go of severe traumas from her past.

Although we only met a little over a year ago, I consider this woman my life partner. Our ongoing OM practice makes our relationship ever deeper and more pleasurable.