My fiancé and I found out about OM at a women’s retreat in the woods. I resonated with the container of the practice, the structure that holds both people. I needed the holding of a container. I was super familiar with being the container, having people cry and holding space for that, but I never really fully let go into what I’m feeling emotionally. And I always thought the way I orgasm is wrong, my legs would have to be straight together and contracted, I couldn’t relax them. I was brought to tears just talking about it. I turned to my partner and asked if she wanted to do this practice together? And she said no. It was heartbreaking. Our relationship continued to deteriorate over the following year until it ended. I didn’t try OM until a year or two after that.
When I did finally OM, the thing that I connected with immediately was the communication cycle where you make adjustments and offers to dial in the stroke. You want to be specific with your adjustment, so that your stroker can deliver and you’re learning to track sensation in your own body. When you say, “I don’t like that,” or “Can you try something different?” you’re putting all the responsibility on your stroker to figure it out. But if you say, “move a little to the left,” and then “can you stroke higher up,” you’re becoming the map for your own self. Two incredible things came from repeating this exercise in every OM: I could name what I actually wanted rather than hint at it, and my partner could hear what I was saying and actually put it into action.
That ability to connect was like a muscle that was completely enervated. OM woke it up and took it to the gym.
I’d spent so long focused on relationships with men. It was in OM that I found my first real and deep friendships with men. OM is about so much more than stroking one part of the body. It’s about reorienting everything, and it reoriented how I saw men and how I saw myself in relationship to them.
A few months into my OM practice, I was a passenger in a taxi and the air conditioning was blowing directly onto me. I was really cold. I asked the driver to turn it down, and they did so instantly. And it hit me what I’d done, and I started bawling, right there in the car. It was the first time I’d said what I was thinking in real time. I didn’t hesitate, I didn’t build up resentment – I asked for what I wanted, and I got it. It was a revelation.
I never had a good relationship with my family. I still struggle with some of them, but OM has completely transformed my relationship with my sister. I always felt judged by her, and I’ve come to see that she felt the same way about me. I was able to tell her I shut down when I feel her starting to judge me. So, we came up with this practice where when either of us is feeling uncertain, we say it out loud: “I’m worried you’re going to judge me.” The other person then declares they’re going into their non-judgmental zone. It’s a clear container we created, and it works. My relationship with her has been steadily deepening into a really beautiful connection.
Many gems have been gleaned from my OM practice; I learned how to tune into my body and express my desire, I had a significant shift in my relationships with men, and a strengthening in the connection with my sister. These weren’t any of the things I came in for; I wanted to orgasm differently, and find a life partner. Neither of those things came from OM but something even greater did. I developed the skills I needed to navigate every aspect of my life.