Before coming to OM, my life was the same every day, like the movie Groundhog Day, endlessly repeating.
It wasn’t a bad life. I had a good family life with a wife and three kids, and there was love between all of us. My regular job, though it was routine, was with a great team. I had to put in my hours somewhere between seven a.m. and six p.m. and could work four days a week. And I had five or six weeks of vacation every year. So I had a little bit of freedom. But when you really look at it, that's not so much.
I couldn’t decide what was good for me. I had difficulty expressing what I wanted. Simple things, like a friend inviting me out to have drinks with others at a bar. I couldn’t be honest and say, “I want to see my friends but don’t want to go to a bar. Let’s go to a quieter place.” I just couldn’t find the words.
It was like I didn't have control of the steering wheel of my life. Someone was always pulling on it, steering me in a direction that just wasn’t quite my path. And it took a lot of energy for me to constantly force myself to go in a direction I wasn’t even sure of. All I knew was that inside there was a very deep spiritual being that was looking for connection to something deeper and that I needed space for that.
Even though I didn’t know what I was going to do afterwards, for my 40th birthday I gave notice at my job. About a month after that, a friend, who had actually talked to me about OM a couple years previously (it just never caught my attention for some reason), brought the subject back up. This time I was enthusiastic about it and agreed to attend an introductory weekend in a couple weeks. My wife and I did communicate quite well, and I talked to her about it. It shook her up a little bit, but she knew that something was missing for me, so she accepted it.
The first thing that happened that weekend is I met a guy who was in my line of business who ended up hiring me. I had a new job! Funny how things like that happen. I actually didn’t do my first OM until the following weekend. I didn’t know the woman who had said yes to being my strokee, but I was okay with that. When we started OMing I was actually quite scared inside and a little bit shaky. For some reason I had a hard time finding her clitoris. We all have different anatomies! And she was doing adjustments every 30 seconds throughout the whole practice.
That actually ended up being quite a beautiful experience. She didn’t get angry or impatient or come across as judging me at all. Her attitude really helped me in trying to adjust each time and focusing on that. So we had this very clear communication and I was still trying and adjusting and trying. There was something very powerful for me in knowing I was trying and that there were no judgments—just two people observing what's happening and communicating about it. At the end I was filled with lots of gratitude.
I did a second OM with another woman shortly after that first one and it was super smooth with no adjustments. I could feel a connection and more of an orgasmic state, with a tingling in my body. Right after the OM I left for work at my old job to give a presentation. I was running late and had to rush there, but the presentation I gave was the best presentation of my life. I was very focused, and even during the discussion after with all these managers and the vice president of the company. My manager was super happy with me. I couldn’t tell her that I’d just been doing an OM practice that was already teaching me how to deal better with my fears by simply observing and focusing and being more in touch with my feelings!
After that, I started OMing quite regularly, often two or three times a week. My wife started OMing too and we soon began practicing with other people. The whole container was actually great and an amazing source of learning for me—although I was often uncomfortable with the frame and the end part. It was bothering me during the OM, trying to think, “Oh, what am I going to share at the end?” Eventually I learned not to think about it during the session, allowing myself to simply arrive at the end and then share whatever had come up. Whether it was as simple as an itch on my knee at one point, or something more interesting, I realized what's important is really connecting with whatever the thought or sensation is, and just trying to put words to that.
Every OM is very different. That's one thing about the practice that I find very powerful. It’s taught me that arriving at anything with expectations is actually not helping with connection. I’m better at observing the expectations and seeing what's happening in my mind and how I’m trying to control the future. And then what's beautiful about the practice is that you have a period of time that’s very quiet within which to experience intimacy. And it gets intimate quite fast! Which can shake you up a little bit.
OM opens many doors. It’s helped me be more centered and knowing. I’m clear on what I want, what I desire, and what I need to be fulfilled. I’m more subtle in how I read my feelings and my desires.
It’s incredible being in a practice that’s not a mental process, where it’s all about connecting with the feelings coming up and having the external movements harmonize with what's happening inside. And learning to respond to adjustments is so important. Adjustments happen every day in our lives, and I’ve learned to be conscious if I’m resisting an adjustment. Resistance doesn’t help anything. I’ve learned to listen, and to stay connected, through all the changes life offers me.