Refilling My Tank
by Ishan Mal

Before I discovered OM, I was getting divorced and was leaving my home. I was lonely, and it was a difficult time. 

The things I did to find connection just didn't resonate. I tried various online groups and dinners and walks and all those kinds of things. They just didn't touch me in any way, and I was bored by all of them. I was looking for something that would touch me at a deeper spiritual or feeling level, something that would create intimacy in all sorts of ways.

Eventually I found OM online. It wasn't clear that it was a physical practice. But a practice that allowed me to access an orgasmic state through meditation seemed like a very good way of passing the time, so I went to an event. At first, I was reluctant to sign up for an introductory class. But for some reason I did.

I remember being very nervous about it. In my first OM my body felt incredibly stiff, and I had to dig deep to feel any sensations. I was feeling a bit awkward and my lower back was really painful, so I wasn't comfortable in the standard OM position. But my partner helped me and showed me an alternative position, and it all ended up being rather fantastic. Without even realizing it, I started to develop a couple of regular OM partners, and that took me deeper. When people started asking me to repeat OM sessions, I realized they weren’t hating this experience with me and that I must be developing some level of competence. 

By that time, I was noticing some personal benefits. The first was listening. I realized I was learning to pay exquisite attention to nonverbal and energetic signals—and the changes in a woman’s genitals. Seeing the color change during an OM was an incredible experience.

I started to notice that I was listening better in general. I would let people finish their sentences without jumping in with what I had to say. Then I'd respond to what they'd said rather than spouting out whatever I was intending to say. And it changed my relationship with women. The actual experiences—the level of touch, the level of sensation, that sense of knowing without knowing, of not having to be told what your partner wants next, just following the natural rhythms—that had never happened to me before. I felt so much more connected.

After a while, I literally didn't argue with anyone about anything. OM allowed me to be a lot more tolerant. It changed the way I am around people. My listening, my judgment, my tolerance of what's going on, my capacity to let things go and to laugh at stupid stuff people get upset over—all the things that would have triggered me in the past—I stopped being sucked into all the drama.

I remember OMing with a woman who was having a transcendental experience, and I could feel it. I couldn't describe what was happening to her other than these big waves of energy. Afterward she said it was like she had experienced a rebirth. 

I do a lot of public speaking, and I noticed that if I OMed the night before I spoke, or even the morning of my speech, it changed how I was onstage. I was more energized, more vibrant in my presentation, bouncier. I definitely brought a different quality to my audiences.

Then, for no discernable reason, I fell out of the practice for a couple years. I chose to withdraw and hibernate. But after those two years right after I had completed a massive tour speaking and promoting a book, I was just exhausted. I was totally tapped out. An old OM partner who lived locally reached out to me and I started the practice again. Three months of OMing regularly brought me back to life. My vibration was higher, my quality of connection with people was better. My inner thoughts changed. I came back into my body and started to have sensation again. 

OM totally refilled the tank, and I realized if I'd carried on with the practice, I probably would have navigated the energetic ups and downs of those years quite differently. Today, I'm very conscious that there's a close correlation between regular OMing and my mood. They feed each other in a good way. Dropping back into the practice was like rediscovering an old and familiar friend.