In my career, I was used to being in a position of authority. I was a military pilot, and then I flew huge airplanes around the world as a commercial pilot. I wasn't generally subject to feeling ignorant or defeated. And then at the age of 50, I found myself having two new experiences that challenged my sense of self-confidence.
My wife and I had been living in Hawaii for eight years. When the base there closed, we moved to Minneapolis, where a new job had opened up for me. That's where my marriage started to fray. I was taking steps out of the box, including becoming the student of a Native American elder. My wife couldn't relate to what I was learning. As our experiences and views of life diverged, the gap between us grew wider and wider. The sense of failure was hard for me to handle. Not long after that, my wife and I divorced.
Then a massage therapist told me about OM. I quickly realized it was different from anything I'd ever experienced, involving an intense focus on something I knew nothing about. It was a giant step, at that age, to admit how little I understood about connection and intimacy. But I realized there was deep knowledge available, information you don't find in normal channels, and I wanted to see what was going to come out of it. Facing difficulties is how you learn. Sometimes you have to go down in order to go up. So I jumped in.
I felt tentative and off-balance for the first few OMs. Gradually I figured out how the stroking worked and began to connect to the strokee's energy. After I'd been OMing for a while, I asked my new girlfriend to OM with me. The sensation levels were really high. I could feel the power she was accessing. It was primal, raw, and sensual, a pulsing energy coming through her.
At that point, I was about to leave on a five-day trip. When I got back, she announced that she never wanted to OM again. It was massively deflating and shocking, after that magnificent experience. I was totally bewildered. Looking back, I think the intensity of the OM took her by surprise. The OM container sets clear steps, with limits that make it safe to let go. I think she got a taste of what happens if you let go, and it was so big, it scared her.
Now I'm with a partner who OMs with me, and she likes it a lot. Her orgasmic experiences are quite and more internal. She doesn't give me much feedback, either verbal or physical, so I'm having to learn to accept her expression without judgment. It's a test of my ability to let go and let her be herself.
Every OM is different. Sometimes they're soft, subtle, quiet, internal. Other times they're like blowing the roof off. OM has made me aware of the ways every person is different. I try to engage with people wherever they are, without making assumptions. As a captain, I interact with lots of people. A co-pilot stays with me for several days, while flight attendants might change two or three times a day. I've learned the importance of having no prior judgments about a person's presence and personality, so I can listen to find out who they are. Since I've been keeping an open dialogue with co-workers, they've become more engaged with what we're doing as a crew. In the airline world, sometimes things get really busy really fast, and you have to be efficient with communication. When they know I'm paying attention to them, it's easy to have conversations at critical moments.
I believe that being able to share knowledge and experiences will result in a better life for everybody. If you can walk across a bridge, jump across a hole, not be afraid to have conversations about intimate topics, you will have a richer life. Over the past ten years, OM has brought me an awareness level that has made all kinds of relationships deeper and more meaningful.