The Intelligence Below
by Paul Yarmey

I had recently separated from someone I had been with for a decade when I went on my first date from Match.com. Here I was, in my mid-60s, trying to figure out dating again. She seemed lovely, my date, but I couldn’t help falling into old patterns. In retrospect, I was acting like a teenager. My conversation was mostly about matching wits, matching stories, matching knowledge. My date would tell an interesting travel story, so I would tell an interesting travel story. Then she’d tell me about one of her hobbies, so I would tell her about my love for astrocartography. It was like a tennis match, only no one really won.

I was revving up my engine to get all romantic and sappy with this woman when she began talking very enthusiastically about something called Orgasmic Meditation. She couldn’t stop talking about it, and she spoke with great joy and pride. Her enthusiasm was contagious and really cut through my sentimentality. That night, I looked it up online. I must say, it was the answer to a prayer.

It’s quite shocking to touch a woman in the frank and simple way that is required in OM. After all the games I had played in my lifetime, it was the most liberating thing in the world.

I didn’t really know what I was doing at first. But my OM partner was so kind with me. Slowly, she started adjusting me onto the spot. The soft tissue started to differentiate itself, and I started to understand the geography. Then the magic happened. Her whole body became warmer, more electrified. I could see it and feel it happening in real-time.

Life before OM was quite different. It was much more centered around me. I always wanted to make my partner happy, but I had no idea how. Everything happened in the dark back then, and I don’t just mean sexually. Looking back, it feels like nobody, neither I nor my partners, had the ability to be forthright about what we wanted.

It’s such an incredible shift to know that women, OM partners and otherwise, are enjoying me. To see it in the way their faces light up. I feel so much more sensitive to their subtleties and inner workings. This is true of my stroking, of course, but I see it everywhere. My conversations with women have transformed.

Whereas once upon a time I would try and bewitch myself and my partner with romance, I can speak frankly with women for the first time in 64 years. It just comes down to paying attention. Instead of trying to think of what story I’m going to match up to the one I’m being told, I notice when a topic lights her up, and then I stoke those flames. It’s amazing how much more connection is right there, readily available, if you’re just willing to pay attention.

At 64 years old, I am flourishing as a connected human being.