Before discovering OM, I felt disconnected from my body after experiencing a traumatic life event. I felt closed and tight, and I badly wanted to have connection with people, but had this lack of motivation, trust, and ability to take action. I didn’t have a way to make much progress, yet I wanted to feel aliveness and pleasure in a safe way. But what I knew at that time did not help me find that.
I had been in a dramatic relationship. It started out as if it were a dream but ended up a nightmare. When it ended, I remember feeling so disconnected from my friends, doubting myself, and feeling so numb. I yearned for trust and safety but was afraid to trust people. I didn't know how to get out of that situation, and my self-esteem suffered badly. Every morning on my way to the office, I walked for 20 minutes and couldn't stop crying. It was winter, and my face was freezing cold from my own tears. Every day, I experienced anger, sadness, worry, resentment, self-doubt, and it tortured my mind and heart. Looking back, I had hit bottom, and it was my wake-up call.
That event changed the trajectory of my life forever. I then tried mind-based work to motivate myself and move out of the stuckness I was feeling. I immersed myself in various programs for over a year and read many psychological books. Some worked at first. It helped me get out of the victim mode and learn to be assertive in looking at my blind spots, but soon, I felt the gap between my motivation from my mind and action from the body. They were not aligned. I didn't want to force myself into positive thinking. I spoke to a coach friend and she recommended a few things to engage my body. OM was one of them. Frankly, I was so desperate at that time that I was willing to try anything different that might help.
I had met my first OM practice partner once before. He had been OMing for a year. In that first OM, I was so nervous that it made my body feel tight. We followed the rules and I relaxed over the first ten minutes of the OM, and then, in the last few minutes, I could feel this tingling sensation from my genital area coming up to my upper body. It felt like the sensation was transmitting from within my body. At the end, I realized the entire process had been easier than I imagined. The container and rules made it easy.
I began to OM regularly for many months. I experienced a broad range of sensations over time and learned to cultivate more sensitivity to my body. I experienced the ability to drop into a deep, meditative state, and I could feel my mind completely relax each time I began to OM. My thinking would pause, and all thoughts were gone, so that I could experience 15 minutes of total peace. I often felt orgasmic sensations spreading through my body like a wave. It helped me learn to detect what feels good and speak up to ask for adjustments from my partner. I appreciate the sensitivity and wisdom of my body so much more now. I am grateful my body is a fine instrument for feeling sensations.
I learned the power of being present and speaking up for what feels good in real time. I now have a clearer connection with my intuition. If someone’s request doesn’t feel right, I trust my felt sense and say yes or no, rather than going through mental analysis to pick what I should or shouldn’t do or how I should respond. I can be more specific and clearer in making a request without hiding or feeling too much worry over it.
I feel more alive, and I genuinely like my body more because of the sensations I can feel. I know it is all in me and I am the generator of those sensations. In OM, I like working with the clear and clean container. It reduces ambiguity and initiation time. I like that we are encouraged to speak up and adjust anytime during the process. It is a practice of detecting senses, speaking up in each moment, giving adjustment, and receiving responses.
Over time in OM, I have come to really appreciate that I am an orgasmic being. My trust and confidence in being present and listening to that inner knowing largely increased. I have a much higher chance now to catch how I feel in the moment and express what I want or what works for me, without delay or regret. It can be as small as what I like to drink or eat at that moment or deciding if I want to go for a date with someone. My life right now is an outcome of many practices and work I have done in the last years. OM played an important role.
OM taught me to tune into my body, and to honor the intuition my body communicates to me.