I started OMing in 2012 after moving to a new city for work. I had a very intellectual existence, and although I had the sense that there was more to life, I didn’t know how to find it. One day, I ended up finding OM online. I was puzzled, but also had a split-second feeling of, ‘Wow, there is something speaking to me very powerfully here.’
The first OM was very awkward. It was with a woman I met online. I didn’t really know what I was doing. But I felt electricity in the tip of my finger, and I was moved by my partner’s openness; I was moved by the fact that she was opening completely and offering all she had to me, even though we barely knew each other.
Before OM, I felt like a spectator in my relationships. I was not really the actor. They’d last a year and then fizzle after the honeymoon phase. I didn’t see relationship as something you had to commit to in order to make it work. The word ‘commitment’ always sounded like ‘jail’ to me. But OM helped me realize the impact of my own actions. I realized that as a stroker, I have to engage with the strokee in order for it to work. By not committing, I was keeping a lot of doors open but I was never going through any of them. It was unfulfilling.
I’m married now, and it’s funny because I’ve never argued and fought so much in a relationship! I always thought I was a very calm person, but in my current relationship I’ve found I can get very angry, and I can access it and express it.
I come from a family with a deep fear of the feminine, a deep fear of feelings. I never realized this until I started to OM. My dad would shut my mum down whenever she’d express emotions or anger. I can see now how he felt there was some intense power in her emotions, how it must have felt really scary, how he was unconsciously punching back.
Before OM, I was the same way. I had the idea that anger is always bad. So I’d run away from my relationships the moment I thought I might get angry. But thanks to OM, I’ve been able to remove the layer of judgment that I had over my own feelings. Rather than thinking, ‘Oh that’s wrong’ or ‘We should break up,’ I try to get curious with myself and think, ‘What happened here?’
It’s the same at work. I had a fight with my boss, because I felt like he thought I was stupid. So I snapped back. Truthfully, I was pretty bad to him, but less than thirty minutes later I was able to come back and have a conversation with him and be vulnerable. Believe it or not, we ended up getting closer as a result.
Before OM, I would have just quit my job. But I was able to talk to him and say, “I thought you were saying I was stupid, and I felt bad about it.” He was very surprised, because he wasn’t used to me talking to him like that. He got curious about what I was saying. He asked me which particular word it was that had me get reactive. In the end, the interaction improved our relationship. It was a result of OM that I would never have predicted.