Not Needing to Be Right
by Carl

I was a hyper-sensitive child. I could barely go into a room without feeling like I had to leave. I was anxious about being around other people, but very confident and content when I was alone.  I’d run out of stores when clerks would ask if they could help – and then go ski in the mountains by myself for hours. Other people were an overwhelming mystery.

Not surprisingly, I struggled with intimate relationships. Eventually, I did meet an amazing woman with whom I could relax, and at least partly be myself.  We both had had similar struggles when we were young, and that helped bond us.  We also found common purpose learning about spiritual healing, and training to become healers ourselves.  Eventually, we ended up traveling the world together, until we finally settled in Massachusetts.

At first, I felt terribly frustrated settling down.  We worked, went to the grocery store, watched mediocre movies, and went to bed, only to repeat it all the next day. I asked myself, over and over, I moved to the U.S. for this?  My relationship with my girlfriend deteriorated, and we fought constantly.  The only time we didn’t fight is when we were working together on a project.

Increasingly, we found fewer projects on which we could agree.

I had first heard about Orgasmic Meditation from my brother, who had emailed me a link to an article about the practice.  I’d read it, set it aside, and had not thought much of it. But with my relationship on the rocks, I searched for that old email – and I signed us up for the introductory workshop.

We came because we were bored with everything else we had tried, and we were worried our relationship couldn’t survive without some sort of a major makeover. We were right that it was what we needed, but we had no idea how much it would change our lives.

After that introduction, we started OMing together, guided mostly by books and videos and what we had learned in the class. I felt uncomfortable about it at first, but that discomfort abated, even though it took me a long time to feel like I knew what I was doing. After a few OMs, I began to feel myself sinking back into my body. My chest began to loosen; I hadn’t even realized how tight it had been, and for how long! My anxiety, which had been intense since we’d moved to Massachusetts, dissipated. Every time it started to come back, an OM would calm and center me.

When we realized that some people do it every day, my partner and I committed to a daily practice. One morning, I woke up and lay in bed, and it hit me that I hadn’t felt anxious in more than a month. Before OM, my fears were worst first thing in the morning, and I’d often lie there, nearly paralyzed, until I forced myself to get up. OM brought that to a halt.

My partner and I had some hilarious but serious arguments as we OMed. She would say, “Move to the left.” I would answer, “No, I can’t move any more to the left. There’s nowhere to go!” I would say, “I’m doing it right!” and she would say, “No, you’re not.”

I certainly didn’t fully understand the concept of adjustments!  I’m glad that she didn’t just quit in frustration.  I felt the need to be right all the time, but over time I learned to let go and listen. The ability to surrender to truly listen has been an amazing breakthrough for me personally, and for us as a couple.

Now if we argue, it's over in four minutes. We simply talk it out. Being together is so much smoother, and so much more fun.

The OM practice trained me to listen. I am kinder to the needs of my body. I can hear little things my partner might want without her even asking. I have so much more compassion and kindness towards the world. I can feel so much love at once, in the best and purest way, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop being grateful for that.