My Whole Life is Easier
by Kylie Kane

In college, when I was training to be sex therapist, a friend of my parents suggested I check out Orgasmic Meditation. I jumped right into an immersion in OM and the philosophy surrounding it. That step was a turning point in my life.

OM taught me to notice my feelings and to trust them, to speak up and be my own advocate for what I desire, whether it's with a sexual partner, a boss, a doctor, or anyone else. That teaching led me to be who I am today. People don't realize how important it is to feel your own body, whether it's your sex organs or your arm. It affects your life every step of the way.

I was fresh out of college, maybe 22, and it was such a gift to learn that I didn't have to let a sexual partner touch me in a way that I don't like. There's no reason to do it. It was wonderful to be around people who created an environment where I could openly talk about what I was feeling, and I would be fully validated. I've never experienced that synergy anywhere else. 

It didn't bother me that I was OMing with people who were practically strangers. In some ways, not knowing them made it easier to express myself and ask for what I wanted without fear of judgment. I had just come from college, where people would be horrified if I hooked up with the wrong person from the wrong fraternity. In OM, people are there not to judge but to love and support each other, and they really hear what you're saying.

When you OM, you're not having sex with someone. You're creating a connection through your body. They're learning your body, and you're learning your body. Learning together is a beautiful experience. Every single person I OMed with taught me something new about my body. When someone asked me to OM, sometimes I'd say yes even if I wasn't the least bit attracted to them. And then I'd come out of the OM having weirdly strong feelings for them as a result of the deep connection that came through the practice.

One of those strokers had a huge effect on me. I watched him take detailed care to build the nest of pillows so I would be totally comfortable. That process brought down possible barriers between us before we got into the nest. He cared for me in the same way from the beginning to the end of the session. I was taken off guard because I wasn't used to someone seriously trying to read me and understand me. There was such love in how he treated me—not personal love for me but love for the practice. He just loved being there with people. It made me realize that I don't want anything less. I deserve nothing less than devoted affection and attention and love. That session blew the lid off my expectations for myself.

At this point, I have a wonderful love relationship. My partner and I aren't OMing, but we do use OM as a model for connecting. The verbal communication flows openly about anything and everything we may have felt that week that wasn't cleared up. We call it our audit. 

OM has also changed my family life. My parents and I used to fight a lot. But after OM, I went back home, and the first time conflict arose, I told my mom, “You're probably feeling this way because you didn't take care of XYZ.” She told me not to talk to her like that. But a week later, she asked me, “Okay, what did you mean by that? It struck a chord with me, and we should talk about it.” Every relationship has changed for the better.

I'm so grateful I was able to dive into OM as a young adult. I've seen what happens to people when they don't take care of their stuff, when they don't get a chance to unpack their experiences and the challenges of relationship. I've learned to get myself out of relationships where I'm not being treated the way I want to be treated. My actual thought process was transformed. I used to feel that everyone else mattered more than I did, and I should put myself on the back burner. But I learned that I can't take care of other people unless I am taken care of. My whole life is easier because of what I learned from OM.