In 2013, I went to a 30-day meditation retreat where I was in the company of a great many hippie types in search for enlightenment. I’d just come out of a painful break up, and wasn’t searching for anything except space to go within for a longer stretch of time and heal. It was there that I encountered a woman who I hired to coach me through to the next phase of my life. She and I worked together for about three months, over the course of which time, I learned that she also taught the practice of Orgasmic Meditation (OM). I saw OM as an opportunity to bring together the disparate parts of myself that I had ignored. It was an opportunity to not leave something God-given—pleasure—off the table. I wanted more connection with women, so I decided to lean into the practice as a way for me to heal the fear and baggage I carried around about my intimate life.
Over Memorial Day weekend in 2013, I went to Colorado and learned to OM there. I had my first OM and felt totally turned off to it; it felt so surgical and medical with those gloves and that timer. Even though I was able to locate my partner’s clitoris, I didn’t feel anything within my own body, and when it was over, I was underwhelmed and couldn’t figure out what the big deal was. I went for a walk and sat down on a bench, and out of nowhere, I heard a voice that I’d never heard before or since. It said, “No, no, no. There is more for you here. Stick with it.” Startled, I figured maybe I should listen. Maybe there was something for me to explore there, so I continued on the path and returned to Portland, dedicating myself to creating a regular OM practice.
After the phenomenon of my newfound enthusiasm calmed down a bit, I started to see how much energy I was wasting in trying to figure out, manage, and control my interactions with women. I was in an OM and noticed how connected I felt to my partner when I was just focused on the point of contact: where my finger met her clitoris. I saw how much energy and presence was lost in my attempts to control the structures of all of my encounters with women, and that when I was willing to let all that go, the present moment held the most incredibly rich sensation. None of those feelings I was waking up in my body came from overthinking or over analyzing.
That’s what I feel has made the biggest difference to me: slowing down and placing my focus in the present moment long enough to notice the strength of the signal that was moving between two people. Being in connection with another person is so simple, and doing this connection thing in a practice is a simple way for me to regularly move out of my head and into my body: something all those years of somatic meditating only scratched the surface of.
OM became a way for me to have a dialog with the frozen and locked parts of myself to warm them up and get things moving again. And I found that once I started to practice OM regularly, it was as if some heat source turned on in the middle of the block of ice and was thawing it from the inside.