I've had a lot of different jobs in my life—fast food, retail, pizza delivery girl. I sold Mary Kay beauty products, I worked as a massage therapist. I was even a stagehand on The Strip for five years. These days I have a business I'm passionate about as a sexological bodyworker and coach.
But in my personal life, I've struggled. Communication with my husband was challenging. When I told him something, it didn’t always penetrate. I didn’t always feel received by him.
It was during my bodywork training that I first heard about Orgasmic Meditation. At first, I was very skeptical of the practice. I thought, how would I get anything out of such a simple act as clitoral stroking? I had the mindset that bigger was always better--more toys, more excitement! It didn’t seem like OM could compare to that, with its simplicity.
And even though I had been doing 12-step work for years, meditation was something I had always struggled with. I was skeptical about that part of OM, too. So, I completely disregarded it for about two years.
I finally decided to learn to OM with my husband and it was fabulous. When my husband and I had a chance to OM, and when he put his finger on my clitoris, I felt a warm sense of pleasure. I was extremely relieved because I didn't think it would be possible for us.
OM was simple and systematic enough that my husband was able to drop into his body, experience it, and feel the energy. It was real for both of us. And it wasn't just me needing him to do something to satisfy me. It was mutually beneficial.
Having OM as a container, with clear boundaries in which to explore, was so liberating. The tightness of the container and those guidelines are what allow you to go deeper. So even though OM was very simple, the container made every nuance of every stroke that much more meaningful or sensational. Or not, as the case may be. Every OM is different.
I started to develop an OM practice, and many things shifted for me. As I became more physically sensitive to the stroking, I became more sensitive in my communication and my connection with others. It was a gradual, constant improvement—I felt more connected in general and was able to communicate more richly, more deeply.
Of course, OM enriched my work, too. As a relationship coach, I teach people that you need time for practice. It’s similar to being a performer or an athlete—you don’t just go out and perform or compete. You rehearse. You practice. Thinking that we can all just jump into bed and be phenomenal lovers is kind of silly. OM is separate from sex, so it’s a place where you can practice connecting to the subtle sensations in the body.
Perhaps OM’s biggest gift to me has been its goallessness. Before OM, I was always hoping for climax. If it didn't happen, then the whole experience was a disappointment. The practice of being goalless, and being present for every stroke, translated into making all my experiences richer and fuller. I didn’t have to add anything to achieve satisfaction. The quality of my attention was much better, and I could be more present.
OM has helped me learn to enjoy all the sensations of life, even the so-called negative ones—sadness, disappointment, heartache. Normally, we try to avoid these things at all costs. With OM, I learned to drop into them in a way that makes even these feelings rich or fulfilling, as painful as they are.
When you can really surrender to the goallessness of OM, it gives you the space to explore. That’s because now you have extra energy to explore. You normally would be expending that energy toward doing. Instead, you get to expend that energy toward being.
That said, I’m not goalless in every aspect of my life. It’s good to be balanced and have a productive mindset too. I want to be my best self and live my best life. I want to experience it all.