The Best Me
by Freddy

I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, and spent my childhood playing many different sports. I love my memories from this time. During my college years I drifted towards an inner exploration with LSD. Then I went towards meditation when I was 21 and became part of a spiritual fellowship of Eastern tradition. I had wonderful profound experiences that I would put in the sacramental category, and I became more aware of subtle energies and realities beyond the physical level.

Later, I found myself feeling disconnected and drifting through life. I was using a lot of drugs. I burned out and made my way into a treatment program. I got sober, I went back to school and got a teaching degree focusing on high school physical sciences and ended up teaching until I was 61. Once I began teaching, it consumed my time. I had less energy to really explore life as I would have liked to.

I began to want to get out and engage in my life again. Someone I met told me about Orgasmic Meditation, and I attended an event to learn more of what it was about. 

My first OM was a combination of stress, anxiety and a little bit of disbelief. Part of me couldn’t believe that people even did these kinds of things. But I thought it was cool and a good thing for people. And I could tell the practice involved a number of things that would be good for me. Despite my athletic childhood, I didn’t strongly identify with my body and was not very grounded. I used to say, “I live from the heart chakra up.” OM felt like it could help me be more balanced.

That first OM I could feel movement of energy in my body. When it was over, I felt different, like my body felt lighter, and brighter than it had before. 

As I got into the practice, I found myself moving into the same mindset as I would with my other meditation practices I had done in my youth. I would have thoughts like, being concerned with what I was doing-- was I doing it right? And I would remember to let that go, knowing it wouldn't help me to worry. So I would relax and drop my thoughts and re-enter into the rhythm of the practice. And in this practice I could also feel a warmth in my heart, a feeling like I was connected to my partner. I learned it's all about staying in the present, no matter what.

In one experience of this practice, there was this really wonderful feeling of connection where my partner's body would relax, and then I would relax into my body and stop thinking so hard. I also noticed that I loved when would ask for what they wanted. I love that there was a person who would let me know so directly how to have more connection with them. 

What I learned is that it’s important to hang in there. Don't give up. Everybody’s intentions are good. You’re both in the practice learning to connect, and even though it can be a challenge, staying present no matter how it's going is really important. And that totally translates into life. OM has taught me that no matter where you find yourself in any present moment, you do the best you can, and the results are beyond your control. You hope for the best and sometimes you can't make everybody happy. And that’s okay.

Before OM, I actually felt pretty shy. But this practice has shown me that I'm not such a shy guy after all. I have learned to lower some of my defenses and become more secure internally. I have a comfort level with myself I did not have before.

I also feel like I have the voice to express myself. I’ve gained the ability to speak back maturely when someone crosses a boundary. For example, I had a falling out with my brother, and we haven’t been able to talk without a lot of anger and grievances coming out. After our visits I always ended up feeling rejected. After I started OMing, it was still challenging to connect with my brother, but I found I was able to engage with him from a civil, adult place and present him with some insights that I just hadn’t been clear about before. 

Fundamentally, I think every OM has contributed to my learning curve—a healing curve of overcoming the things that were holding me back from finding personal meaningfulness in the world. I really feel fulfilled. Today I am the best version of me I’ve ever been!