My whole life, I've craved adventure and intensity. I joined the Navy because it was the most dangerous job I could find. Like Tom Cruise in Top Gun, I was a hardcore pilot. I've run the full length of the Grand Canyon ten times. Traveling and sailing are two of my favorite things to do.
After I left the Navy, I was living in a penthouse apartment in Redondo Beach in LA, driving a Porsche, and I was totally depressed. I'd just been divorced by my first wife, a model, and I was flabbergasted that she didn't think I was as cool as I did.
Someone told me about Esalen, the place that started the human potential movement, and I went to Big Sur to spend time with the hippies in the hot springs. Esalen became my second home for decades, thanks to a workshop there where I was transported into a state of oneness with the universe. For twenty-four hours after that workshop, I didn't sleep, I just basically cried. I stopped smoking cigarettes. It completely changed my life.
When I heard about OM, I could tell there was a great possibility for intensity in the practice, and I dove right in. I thought I was reasonably knowledgeable about the female body, but when I had my first OM, it turned out I couldn't tell a clitoris from a knee. I was lost. So I found someone who had a lot of OM experience to give me a tutorial. With her patiently guiding me, suddenly I felt connected and in the flow.
Before long, I was OMing six or seven times a day. We had an expression that there were red OMs, which got you energized and turned on, and there were blue OMs that were like being in a cathedral and having a spiritual experience. I'd notice whatever direction the OM was taking, and I'd follow it. Instead of being in charge of the process and pushing forward, I'd follow the path that was being created by the two of us. Sometimes I'd be stroking, and we'd be in the cathedral, and I'd find an alcove that wanted to be explored, so we could go deeper. Or we'd be in a red OM, and I'd have the instinct to adjust the stroke to draw the woman out a little more.
In the past, I tried to understand women and figure them out. I had a sort of ledger system where I'd be with a woman I was interested in, and I'd notice when she seemed to like something I did, and that would be a positive mark in the ledger. Then there'd be something she didn't like, and that was a negative mark. I kept a running tally of how I was doing, which was not a particularly effective way of being in a relationship. Then I met women who were OMing and coming into their own power. It became clear that my way of analyzing the situation wasn't very effective.
As my OM experience increased, I became exceedingly sensitive, partly because I completely stopped drinking and using any sort of intoxicants other than maybe a cup of coffee in the morning. I was much more able to feel people. Instead of trying to figure them out, I could follow what I was feeling, which made it easier to move through the world.
One of the things OM taught me was to be absolutely honest. There is no shortage of relationships out there if you are staying aware and feeling and looking. My current partner and I connected at Burning Man. We stayed up all night talking, and I listed every single thing I could possibly think of that was a negative about me, so she would not be surprised or feel I was not being absolutely straight with her. We've been together for five plus years now. Through most of that time, we've never been separated by more than about fifty feet.
When I'm in conversation, I'm interested in the other person rather than trying to convince the other person that I'm interesting. I'm not trying to analyze or keep my ledger. I don't have an idea of how it should be. I'm just totally curious. When I don't have an agenda, the world is a magical, wonderful place.
In fact, I've never been happier, even though I have cancer that's metastasized through my body. I'm just having the damnedest good time.