The Relief of Honesty
by Ron

I’d been doing Information Technology work for years, and I felt stuck. I had always been fascinated by science and technology, and I moved to Austin Texas right as it was starting to explode as a hub for computers about 20 years ago. I expected to find a lively community of people who shared my interests, and yet somehow, I never did.

I think a lot of people hope or expect to be fulfilled by their work. For a long time, I kept waiting for something to shift so that I would start to love what I did for a living. That never happened, and it still hasn’t happened yet. I’m still doing Information Technology, and still waiting to love it! The difference is that now, I understand that most people need more than a job to fulfill them.

I found Orgasmic Meditation because I was looking for men’s groups. By 2011, I’d tried many different men’s groups, some online and most in person. I kept looking for a place where I could be both accepted and challenged. For a long time, it was a bit of a “Goldilocks” thing – you know, the porridge is too cold or too hot? Men’s groups were like that: either too intense and demanding of your time, or there wasn’t enough interaction and communication to make it worth sticking around.

The men’s group I found that was made up of men who practiced Orgasmic Meditation was different. The first thing I noticed was that many of these guys (not all, but many) worked in tech just like I did. They too had realized that there was only so much fulfillment you could get from a job, even a job you were good at and that paid well. The second thing I noticed was that these men seemed incredibly adept at talking about their feelings. Not in a weepy, complaining way, either. They noticed what was going on around them, they processed feedback well, and they could share deeply. I can tell you, that kind of self-awareness without bitterness is very rare.

These men also had a very different way of talking about women. Some men, in other situations, are angry at women and want to talk about men’s rights. Other men’s groups seem to have women on a pedestal. The men I met who OMed talked about women as people, and they understood them as people, neither the enemy nor a race of superior beings. It was such a relief to be around men who could put relationships in perspective so honestly, without rage or fear.

It was this group of men that got me started trying the practice of Orgasmic Meditation. For a while, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to practice OM, as my main interest was in doing the work we did man-to-man. It became obvious, though, that in order for me to reach the levels of awareness and confidence I wanted the other men seemed to have, I needed to start practicing.

I really appreciated the adjustments in OM. It’s been over a year since I’ve OMed, thanks to the pandemic – and after all this time, that’s one thing that stands out vividly: the adjustments. I had had no experience with women being that straightforward with me about what they wanted. I had always felt I was playing a guessing game that I wasn’t very good at. The honesty was so refreshing, and it took a lot of the pressure off. When I first heard a man talk about adjustments, I was a little nervous. I had misunderstood; it sounded like women were just telling men what the men were doing wrong. When I started OMing, I realized that the adjustments weren’t correcting bad behavior, they were steps towards making everything more connected. It took off the pressure to already have to know how to do everything.

It’s hard to remember the individual OMs after all this time. The best image I can use is that they were like drinking a cool glass of water when you’re really thirsty. (I mean thirst as wanting something deeply fulfilling and being unable to find it.) I look back, and I’ve only been actually satiated so many times in my life. I can’t remember one specific occasion where it felt like that relief of drinking water, but I do know that it was wonderful when I did. What the men I met made me aware of was that I was thirsty for honesty and connection in ways I hadn’t realized before, and I'm grateful for the practice of OM in teaching me how to access that kind of honesty.